The State of Me

I’m not dead and here’s why I haven’t been posting.

I’ve been depressed for a rather long time, I’ve probably had anxiety problems since middle school. I’ve never really talked about it, it’s hard to admit you have a problem when everyone around you seems so damn competent all the time. It’s my fault in a way I like competent people, smart people, I like people striving to be the best. I want to be the best, probably why I’m so critical of myself all the time.

I reached a point in college where I couldn’t get out of bed except to eat, shower, and go to class. It wasn’t sustainable and I broke down. This was just before I started writing, it helped me focus on things again. I didn’t end up getting any real help just a change in scenery which was temporary at best. It wasn’t sustainable and my writing schedule suffered.

Now I’m in a new place, I have an internship opportunity (not in a field you’d guess but if you do I’ll name a side character after you), and I’m going to start seeing a counselor.


What’s next.

I’m back, I’m going to post the first chapter of Reaper on the 1st. I don’t even have a proper synopsis for it and I scrapped the first draft so I have no buffer. Fuck it I doing it anyways I need the scheduled. Since my life is about to get a lot more busy I’m only going to do one update a week for the time being.

The Defection rewrite made it about 1/3 of the way before I stalled so I’m going to start working on that again [3 months max], and get a pretty cover made.

I’ve already redone the site a bit I probably won’t do much more but I will go through the backlog of un-moderated comments and approve them [I was feeling guilty and haven’t been checking them. I have the same problem with e-mail and texts].


So here’s to being better than I was. How are you all (the few of you who get updates or still check) doing?


  1. I don’t usually comment here, but when an author talks about their *few* readers, they need a little self-esteem boost πŸ˜‰

    I don’t know about everyone else, but personally I’m still here, patiently waiting. Don’t stress yourself out, I’d rather have a healthy you write one chapter a month than a few updates at rapid-fire pace and then a broken author who worked themselves to death πŸ˜›

      1. Thanks it mean a lot to me. I’ve got stats to show how many people come each day and it’s been dropping off, but it has doubled since making this post. Views are even way up since this post.

        1. Well, I doubt you’ll see us who wait for a new-chapter-notification from wordpress in the daily visits – except of course on update days. You might have loyal readers just lurking in other places of the internet, waiting to pounce your site once you’re back πŸ˜‰

  2. I imagine more than a few of us just RSS stalk the page. Either way, good to hear you are getting back on your feet.

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