53

“Found it,” Keanan said holding up a container of chocolate powder. He had been searching the midsize kitchen for a while. True to Alecia’s style it was all metal walls, hidden cabinets, and the complete lack of labels. Forcing Keanan to have to find, and then search over half the surprisingly comprehensive kitchen.

“Now, where did she put the pots?” A rack descended from the ceiling containing a vast selection of pots. “Voice activated, of course, it is; I also need two mugs, milk, and a stove.” A fridge popped up out of the floor; a side cabinet opened, and a portion of the table in the middle of the room slid open to reveal burners. “This place is needlessly complicated.”

Jessica watched wordlessly from a chair in the corner as Keanan bustled around. Alecia and her mother had gone off to discuss details, whatever that meant, Hercules had gone to pack and Ares offered to help, and Keanan had dragged her here, into the needlessly complicated kitchen.

“I need marshmallows.” A marshmallow gun popped out of the wall and shot him several times. “Damn it, Mom.”

“Alecia really is your mom?”

“Yeah, I mean she sucks at it and there might be some parental abandonment going on. But yeah, she’s my mom.”

“And you didn’t say anything?”

“She had all these rules, looking back I think she made them up as she went along. I think she does that a lot.”

“You’re saying this is all accidental?”

“Does this place not have any spoons?” Nothing happened as Keanan glowered at one of the walls. “I will melt you down to slag.” A silverware tray slid out of the table. “Ooh, real silver.”

“Doesn’t she plan everything?”

“You’ve known her longer than I have, you realize that right? Besides I think she planned whatever is going on right now.”

“What is going on?”

“Well faking her death does seem like a very extreme way to avoid responsibility for something.”

“I never avoid responsibility; I deflect it,” Alecia said walking in. “Are you making hot chocolate?”

“Yeah mom, you want a cup?”

“No thanks,” she went to the fridge and retrieved a pitcher of something green.

“What is that?” Jessica asked.

“Everything my body could possibly ask for in a form as scientifically tasteless as possible.”

“That sounds horrible,” Keanan said pouring two mugs of hot chocolate, and sprinkling a handful of mini-marshmallows on top.

“It is, vile stuff,” she chugged the whole pitcher. “If you ever get offered an upgraded body make sure it doesn’t come with super taste, the sense of smell isn’t as awesome as it’s cracked up to be either.”

“Didn’t you do this to yourself?” Jessica asked, as she took the cup of hot chocolate Keanan offered her.

“Yup, not one of my best thought out plans.”

“What was your plan?”

“Well, I sort of accidentally got engaged to this hot prince a while back, to get out of it I faked my death at Prysim’s hands. He got his big-ass warship and was heading over for revenge against her, so Prysim killed him, I killed Prysim, Prysim’s monster killed me. So when the ship arrives, the object of revenge will be dead, and their crown princess will have died a heroes death and be mourned with a big ass grave to boot.”

“Simplicity in it’s purest form,” Keanan said. “Wait, Crown?”

“Yeah, and mom took a look at their laws, you might be a prince now too.”

“That wasn’t what I asked,” Jessica said.

“I know, I was avoiding the question.”

“Didn’t Prysim die in a lab accident?” Keanan asked

“Evidence of sabotage will be found, and linked to me.”

“That’s,” Jessica started, “surprisingly elegant.”

“I know right? I’m glad I thought of it after I killed the prince; really I had no idea what I was going to do next. Oh well, one world ending scenario down, three to go.”

“What do you mean three?”

“Well the world was ending in four ways this morning, but now it’s only ending in three ways. I even have a good plan for the next most urgent one.”

“How urgent?”

“We’re running on borrowed time at this point, and by borrowed I mean addictive mood-altering drugs.”

“This is another one of your plans isn’t it?” Jessica asked.

“Hey, the addiction was a feature, not a bug.”

“What did you do mom? You still haven’t given me a straight answer.”

“Sure might as well fill in the gaps, let’s get the others first.” Alecia swept out of the kitchen before more demands for answers could be made. Keanan obediently followed Alecia as Jessica trailed behind, making their way to the lounge.

Hercules and Bernard were on the sofa laughing about some old story, and Sophia was typing on a tablet. Hercules had changed into a tropical shirt and board shorts; he had two suitcases and a surfboard on the floor next to him.

“Going so soon Hercules?” Alecia asked trying and failing to sound hurt.

“You bet I am, the only reason I’m still around is to catch up with old Bernie here.”

“Don’t call me Bernie.”

“Sure thing old man.”

“Like you aren’t old yourself.”

“Do you two know each other?” Jessica asked.

“We played rugby back in college,” Hercules answered. “He sucked, devised some good plays, though.”

“But you have powers,” Keanan said.

“So did everyone else on the field, the tests are crap. Anyways I have to go surfing and forget about my life of crime. Alecia if you even need me, find someone else. I’m retired from this point on.” With that he grabbed his board and suitcases and walked out.

“That was abrupt,” Jessica said. “Did he not like you?”

“He might have gotten sick of my bullshit, anyways plans. Next up on the doomsday list is Gaslight, I have a cunning plan that the heroes are unable to do.”

“Are you talking about my proposal?” Sophia asked.

“We were totally willing to do it, I just couldn’t get it past the ethics committee,” Barnard said. “Wankers.”

“Yes that one, I’m going to chop Gaslight’s dick off.”

This is a link, and we all know the dill. I’ll say something like ‘DO NOT CLICK LINK’ then you’ll click it anyways and it will lead down a rabbit hole.

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4 comments

  1. Wait. What? Why would Gaslight… Oh. Suddenly, a lot of things make sense.

    If medical science really is as advanced as I would expect given the setting, I really don’t see why the ethics committee would have such a problem.

    Then again, ethics usually uses a lot of emotional ‘reasoning’. And logical arguments like, “It’s better than the alternatives,” and “If we don’t act on a solution soon, that’s the same as choosing to do nothing,” don’t count for much with those types.

    I think Ares was right. Wankers.

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