“That is really freaking big; it’s as big as a moon.”

“No, it’s not.”

“It isn’t? Because I think it has enough gravity for an atmosphere.”

“We have smaller moons back home.”

Bluebird glared at Alecia, “Well forgive me, it’s hard to get the scale right when looking at a spaceship the size of a celestial body.”

“It was a celestial body back in the day, use to be a moon base. Once they finished covering the surface, they started digging down. Eventually, they decided to slap some engines on it.” Alecia said. “They use the core as a gyroscope.”

“That sounds massively inefficient,” Owl said. “How many do they have?”

“Fourteen, however, five of them are generation ships that were sent off to parts unknown, five are permanent colonies, it’s only the smallest four that are military ships,” Alecia replied.

“I thought we were up against a fleet, an Armada, no a moon,” Bluebird asked.

“Oh we are, the Armada is still docked.”

“Fuck you.”

“You seem to know a lot about these aliens,” Owl said.

“Yeah, I got the whole history lecture during the engagement party from one of the senators, sweet guy,” Alecia said.

“I’m starting to question our motives here, why exactly are they invading?”

“Uhh, it might be more of a rescue mission than an invasion.”

“Who are they trying to rescue?” Firebird asked.

“Me, it’s a long story.”

“Start talking,” Bluebird said, her dress going a darker shade of blue, and gaining hints of purple.

“I didn’t want to break off the engagement, so I might have sabotaged their ability to warp to earth, and faked my kidnapping and subsequent death, at the hands of a super villain.”

“Which villain?” Bluebird growled.







“I vote we hand her over and call it a day,” Blackbird said, speaking for the first time.

“Seconded,” Bluebird said.

“You validate my decision never to have children,” Firebird said.

“Now now. Her world her rules. Otherwise, I agree.” Owl said.

Nightingale didn’t say anything; she was too busy laughing so hard she rolled through the air. The roof had even opened up at some point when Alecia wasn’t looking to allow for it.

“Since when did you all grow a conscience? I mean I thought I was a least good of the group, but hello super villain here. You were the ones who agreed to work with me here.” Alecia’s protests were only half-hearted; it was ridiculous. “I didn’t even ask for you to do anything; I just wanted a ride. Drop me off here .”

“If we just drop you off here would you return to Earth with a fleet of ships and demand it’s surrender?” Owl asked.

“Almost certainly.”

“So what’s the plan?”

“Break in, kill the prince. He’s the only one that can recognize me.”

“How did you manage that?” Owl asked.

“Species of shapeshifters remember, They can’t remember faces for shit, they rely on low-level telepathic abilities  to tell each other apart.” She replied.

“Why can the prince remember you then?” Firebird asked.

“Because they can remember bodies they’ve taken before.”

“You need Jesus,” Blackbird said grinning, “You’re such a perv.”

Prysim felt herself reintegrate with reality, doing her best to suppress the memories of teleporting. She suspected focusing on them too hard might drive her mad.

Despite calling her teleportation an abuse of pocket dimensions, it was more of creating a thing that vaguely resembled two-dimensional space when rendered mathematically. Then abusing relativity to go places.

Since they didn’t interact with time it was mostly instantaneous, but memories could be formed; all at once. Leading to large non-euclidean memory constructs. The last time she had tried to render one of those mathematically it tried to take over the computer.

She found herself in an empty hallway; sonar indicated several kilometers of empty hallway. The moon had been hollowed out as much as possible to reduce mass and allow for easier upgrades.

Entire portions of the moon were redundancies for other portions, only being access for maintenance. There were no data ports on the wall, no convenient maps. She could spend months wandering around lost without running into a soul.

Or she would if they hadn’t forgotten to secure their WiFi. Two minutes of figuring out the right connection protocol, and she had an offer to find hot singles in her area. There were none; there were no singles in ten kilometers of her; in any direction.

Fortunately, it did have a map function allowing for her to find the closest transport tube. It was only a twenty-minute walk, four right turns, a downward spiral, and a triangular hallway away.

The tube didn’t want to take her anywhere; it had been disabled, most likely to prevent anyone from coming to this area. Fixing that might have been impossible if she hadn’t had prior experience with the software. Despite popular depictions, it was impossible to hack or even navigate alien systems on the fly.

Forty-five minutes of struggling with the command interface for the transport tube and she eventually forced a hard reboot via percussive maintenance and wire cutters. Triggering a full system reboot and scheduling the area for emergency assessment. Automatically activating the tube system, and she was on her way.

Despite a very efficient design, and taking full advantage of the reduced gravity, and hard vacuum. Prysim was still a long way away from anything. She could port, but the battery only had so many charges; besides for a breaking and entering job it just felt like cheating.

“You’re off key.” Owl’s voice buzzed in her ear.

“No, I’m not. They key’s conform to whatever key I happen to be using at the time.”

“Do you even understand how music works?”

“No, I like the song with the cannons and that’s pretty much it. Didn’t I turn this comm off?”

“You did, but the button doesn’t do anything, you realize you talk while you work right?”

“I deny everything Owl, I deny it, my lawyer denies it, his lawyer denies it. All the way down, it’s all lawyers denying it.”

“I have recordings; I have to say it was more awkward than when my daughter came out of the closet.”

“I was gay in your reality?” Prysim said, sounding more shocked than she was.

“Yeah, you and Jessica, of course, her powers were weaker, and then she died in that riot. Then you went all radical, before you also died, shit times. I’m rather glad that hasn’t happened here.”

“Good thing my Jessica isn’t gay then.”

“Pretty sure she is.”

“She isn’t.”

“Yes, she is.”

“Bet you fifty she isn’t.”

“Done, how much longer do you have in that tube anyways?”

“Three hours if I’m reading this thing right, this place is fucking big.”

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      1. Prysim is a chronic provocateur, or said in internet slang, she is a troll. She will fuck your mom and tongue-kiss your sister, and she will make sure to record it so she can watch your face at her leisure.
        Whether she actually is sexually attracted to either, or just get a kick out of your reaction, is up for discussion.

  1. The thing about unsecured wi-fi, resulting in an offer to find hot singles, only to find none in kilometers, should have been funny. It should have been hilarious. Unfortunately, it feels too realistic, and that’s just sad.

    The thing about “lawyers all the way down” was pretty funny though. I’m not sure how many people get the reference, but that just makes it better.

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