Forty

“Can you shape shift?”

“If I could don’t you think I would have given myself actual breasts?”

“I like your breasts.”

“And I appreciate that, but you have an unrealistic mental image, they are mostly nonexistent. To answer your question more generally, shapeshifting is possible, but very tricky. Without enough experience you can seriously fuck up, like I did.”

“You look adorable.”

“I love you, but this body is after I was put back together by a god. Incidentally, that’s why I can’t shape shift, when a god puts something back together it stays that way. I also don’t age, I’m just lucky I hit a growth spurt before I fucked up.”

“You don’t age?”

“My hair doesn’t grow, so I’m stuck with this haircut, I can use dye, small victories. I also don’t have a period and can’t get pregnant.”

“You don’t get a period?”

“Don’t even think about fucking with your body’s natural cycles. It will end badly.”

“Fine.”

Lisbeth’s serious tone was just mildly undermined by the fact that she was mostly naked. A serious face didn’t go very well when mostly naked. It was just kind of really cute. After the dinner Nerissa had started asking questions about what was and was not possible with magic. Lisbeth had tried to get her to slow down with the questions through the use of after dinner sex, it hadn’t quite worked. They were in bed, in their underwear, and she had gotten Nerissa’s bra off. But it had stopped there, as Nerissa had come up with more questions.

“What about turing lead into gold?”

“Easy, really easy. I could turn hydrogen into gold if I wanted to. Screwing around with fusion is one of the easiest ways to gather energy for large spells. Don’t try it yet though. If you don’t know what you’re doing you can cause large scale explosions. Unless you want to blow stuff up. Also, you won’t need that much power for anything. Also, please don’t screw up the world economy”

“Ok, what about probability manipulation?”

“Technically possible. But not actually feasible. See probability isn’t some mystical force, it’s all about variables interacting with each other. So to mess with probability you would have to screw with universal constants. It is possible, but the amount of power required isn’t feasible, even gods would have trouble with that one. However, from a practical standpoint, it is a lot easier to just manually add a variable or two, only real magic users would notice.”

“So winning the lottery?”

“Just get yourself close enough to the machine that chooses the numbers, but if it’s a computer, they might notice tampering with the code.”

“Really.”

“Yeah, fucking with computers is easy, but it leaves a massive trail.”

“So you can’t just hack good grades, then?”

“Oh, I totally could, getting caught is just likely. Besides, I’m here for fun, it’s not like grades matter to either of us now.”

“Hey, my grades are very important to me.”

“Why, I’m teaching you magic. If you keep it a secret you can do just about anything, if you don’t, people will just give you shit to keep you happy.”

“That’s actually a fair point. But just not needing to do well is no excuse to do badly.”

“A respectable position.”

“So what about time travel?”

“Also easy, let me show you.”

“Really, right now?”

“Yes, hold still and wait a moment.”

Nerissa tried to say something in reply, but Lisbeth held of a finger, and Nerissa lapsed into silence. Lisbeth watched Nerissa’s breasts as she breathed, Nerissa started looking around slightly nervously anticipating something. After about a minute Lisbeth broke the silence.

“Boom, we are not in the future.”

“That doesn’t count.”

“It kind of does, everything is traveling in the same direction through time, so time travel is easy. Choosing the direction however is impossible, you can only ever go forward. So going from now to twenty years in the future is possible, but it is way easier to just put yourself in stasis for twenty years. Also, you won’t be able to come back.”

“So it’s kind of useless.”

“No, there is some fun stuff you can do with time dilation and relativity. It’s not something I know very much about, since none of the books cover it in much detail. It can mostly be used to give yourself more time, but immortals don’t really need that.”

“Ok, fine, no pranking famous historical figures then.”

“That’s the spirit.”

“Can you bring them back?”

“Bring back the dead?”

“Yes.”

“Yes and no, for similar reasons to time travel actually. Yes, you can bring back the dead, but you can’t bring a person back. It’s possible to fix just about anything back to factory perfect. So you can fix the body and start the heart pumping, no problem. But a factory perfect brain doesn’t have any memories, or emotion, or anything really. But if you get to a body before major brain damage, then yes, you can bring them back. Immortality is mostly about keeping the conscious mind in tact, although brains are considered stupidly fragile.”

“What do immortals have instead of brains?”

“Quantum computers distributed throughout the atmosphere.”

“Holy shit. Is that how you work?”

“No, I just have a body that isn’t affected by change. That’s something rather difficult unless you’re a god. It makes it really hard to kill me, even if you’re an experienced immortal.”

“What about when you got attacked?”

“Uh, that’s kind of hard to explain. The change this is kind of iffy in different ways, killing me is hard. But cutting off pieces takes longer to reset, but given enough time I will always reset. The more damage the longer it takes. I’m like a rubber band, little bit of pull and I don’t snap back with much force. So if you scatter my molecules to the ends of a universe I’ll be back in seconds, but but off a limb and it might take a couple of days.”

“That’s, odd.”

“Thank you. I try. Do you have anything else, or can we have sex now? Because I really want to have sex.”

“One more.”

“Fine, one more and I stop using my mouth for words.”

“Can you enchant objects?”

Lisbeth sighed, and looked slightly annoyed.

“No.”

“That seems like a sore spot, why not?”

“Because enchanters are weird, ok. They make very little fucking sense. Look causing permanent changes to things is easy, unless they break the rules. So I can make a knife cut through anything, but as soon as I stop, the knife becomes normal. Reality takes over. Or this pocket, I could make a pocket no problem, but as soon as I stopped making a pocket it would collapse. Also, it would probably explode or something. I could make a permanent pocket but that would require figuring out how to do so without violating the rule of the universe. Enchanters can do that by instinct. That’s why I’m trying to recruit Charis, I can make magical items, she can make them stronger and permanent.”

“That sound like it could be used to make holy relics.”

“It’s exactly how holy relics are made, there is no such thing as a class 10 enchanter.”

“That makes a lot of sense actually, but why- ouch. You bit me.”

“Yeah, no more talking.”

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